


Until the words are right

by sonicsora



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Body Horror, Depression, F/F, Gen, Horror, Mystery, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2016-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:17:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5223050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicsora/pseuds/sonicsora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yukiko Amagi went out for an errand only to disappear in the fog one night. She emerges from the fog a decade later, still very much 17 years old. Yukiko finds herself in a very different Inaba than she remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost in a fog

**Author's Note:**

> Created on a whim after a particularly weird dream. I wanted to write a sort of horror/mystery fic. I also wanted to dabble in writing about depression without romanticising it or fetishizing it. Yukiko has untreated depression going on. She'll realize this with time. 
> 
> Also keep in mind, I'm taking plenty of liberties with some stuff to keep a creepy vibe. So inconsistencies might pop up between game and fic!

It’s almost instinct by now to put her glasses when she approaches a fog. She pats her pockets uncertainly for a moment as she stops at the edge of the fog bank settled over Inaba. 

It takes Yukiko a moment before she realizes she doesn’t need them. She smiles a bit lopsidedly at the humor of the situation before walking forward. The shopping bags crinkling with her movements. 

The fog makes her remember. Makes her wonder. It makes her want to call Yu. Even in the city, he’d still make time for any of their calls. He’d probably laugh and talk with her. Prod at her lightly since he always knows when something is off, even over the phone. That is really why she hasn’t called him for a while now. 

A month? More? The thought makes Yukiko feel guilty. She adjusts the bags hanging off of her arm still mindlessly walking forward. The walk home was a mindless one, a familiar rhythm she could do without thinking.

 _‘Yu would understand. He always does.’_ She reasoned with herself, not that it quelled the guilt. It was guilt mixed with everything else. Apprehension of her future, uncertainty of her parents expectations, sadness over the distance between her and everyone else. Yukiko doesn’t know just when it started, but, it just hit her all at once. She had tentative plans with friends and always cancelled them, making excuses and promises. She found a way to avoid Chie, if she couldn’t they would make stilted conversation. Nothing she said came out right to Chie, everything was wrong. 

The same thing happened with her parents, leading to a fight or two she hadn’t anticipated. Her mother would comment about a certain boy and how he had good prospects, Yukiko would find herself rustling in a burst of sudden frustration. It was all so unusual. It had been an offhanded comment that caused tension through the inn for a day or so before her mother apologized. 

There was always this lingering undercurrent she couldn’t quite place either. She had no reason to be sad. Everything was nearly perfect. Her parents were letting her pick her own university, she was graduating top of the class and she had a boyfriend, be it briefly. 

Yet… she was sad. She couldn’t reason it out, which only made it worse. She didn’t deserve to be sad. After those people’s deaths, after so much worse had happened to others while she sat in her gilded cage. 

She had no reason to complain. She was taking up space someone else would gladly want. People envied her. They envied her easy life, her beauty, her apparent grace. She had so much handed to her and never had to work for it. She had been given great powers and helped people, yet she was moping so much over nothing.

It would be better if she didn’t exist wouldn’t it?

The thought was almost welcoming, it gave her a rush of relief. 

She clutched the bags to her chest as she found her foot connect with nothing. Yukiko managed a surprised sound, before the night fell silent again. 

When the fog cleared, all that remained was two shopping bags and her jacket. 

\----

After that, things became- hazy. Yukiko remembered falling, distantly panicking and trying to grab onto something. She screamed at first, tried to summon her persona. She could feel her Konohana-Sakuya in the back of her mind before the presence was suddenly gone. 

She never hit anything or found a grip, she just fell. All she could feel was the cold wet sting of the fog surrounding her. Eventually Yukiko just closed her eyes and slept. 

Only the fog was her comfort. The chill reminding her she was alive still. 

\---

When she woke, she wasn’t quite sure where she was. Everything was very black. A void of cold air and not much else. 

Yukiko hadn’t landed anywhere, but she wasn’t falling either. She was just in a void, still and cold. Her bones ached intolerably and she just stretched out. Stretched and stretched, the fabric of her school uniform ripping slightly with her movement. Bones popped and skin shifted under fabric. The back of her throat tasted like rust. 

The rip made her frustration bubble to the surface as she growled soundlessly and kicked off her shoes. The black loafers bobbling in the air alongside her, her headband next as she tried to find something to grab onto. Her hands swiped through the air angrily, finding nothing with each grab and lunge. 

All the struggling did was tire her out further, leaving her feeling boneless and so sleepy. 

So she slept again.

\----

Waking up was harder this time, but she found herself blearily stretching again. The fabric of her skirt completely tore down the side with the movement. 

She swore lightly, trying to pinch it back together with no avail. She just held onto it, trying to focus on anything. 

Yukiko realized her shoes were gone, as was her headband. A bit of disappointment pooled in the pit of her stomach at the realization. Chie had given her that headband for her birthday… 

The thought of Chie woke her up a little more, what would Chie do in a situation like this? 

Fight, fight and fight until she found a way out. The notion makes Yukiko nod to herself, a frown curling across her lips as she starts to try and walk in the air. Her attempt is met with little resistance, though she does make herself spin in place for a few moments. 

Eventually, after a few cycles of spinning and feeling dizzy, she figures out she has to make a swimming motion to get anywhere. Her skirt is left behind in the process. Yukiko isn’t that bothered by it in the moment (though some distant part of her panics over someone seeing her like this). All she does is swim in the void. Memories of swimming back home fueling her forward. 

She isn’t sure how far she’s swam out, but when she turns back she realizes she doesn’t see her skirt floating behind her any longer. Its sign enough to keep going forward, maybe, maybe she’ll find something. 

She finds an alcove in the void, the one burst of color in the darkness. Yukiko is beyond relieved when she grabs onto it and sits down. Her legs hang over it, the comfort of gravity is a relief. Yukiko takes a moment to look at herself, sighing in frustration at the runs in her tights, the black nylon looking like she fell down a hill in them.

She doesn’t take it off, some sense of decorum keeping her from removing them. Yukiko brushes her hands across the fabric uncertainly, the weight of tiredness slamming into her now. She presses back against the apparent wall the alcove sits upon and settles herself down for sleep.


	2. Fallen letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukiko struggles to stay awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another chapter in the 'void'. I decided to spread it to another chapter to illustrate Yukiko's isolation. I'll try to keep it to this and the next chapter!

Yukiko wakes with a start, breath sharp in the back of her throat as she thrashes against the wall behind her. Something is tight on her and her mind thinks she’s being attacked. She tries finding her persona, finding only emptiness. 

It takes the teenager a moment to relax, breathing heavily as she presses a hand against her chest. She counts to ten backwards, slowly but surely cycling through numbers until she can find calm again. The anxiety gripping her chest making her skin crawl and mind buzz uncomfortably.

 _1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. 1, 2, 3, 4..._ She mutters internally to herself, eyes closed tightly. The feeling passes, slowly but surely. 

It's a pattern she's used when sharp nettles of thoughts dug into her chest and made the world around her seem so much smaller.

She realizes after a moment her blouse is ripped, very ripped at that from her panic. The sides are shred to ribbons, tattered and frayed. She hesitates before taking it off, relieved after a moment. The tightness she felt from before seemed to be from the shirt itself. The nylons go next, she kicks them off in irritation. Fabric floats aimlessly in the air next to her. 

In the void, no one is here to judge her for sitting in her favorite if not well worn bra and underpants. She doesn’t need a mirror to know her hair is probably a mess. Most of her concerns fade off as she starts to find herself drifting again. Yukiko struggles to sit up taller and wake up, she needed to wake up. 

She has no idea how long or how often she sleeps, just a foggy feeling that some kind of time has passed her by.

 _Stay awake, awake. Awake._ She chants to herself, holding her face in her hands.Every time she tried to speak, her voice came out silent. Letters escaping and floating overhead. Chie’s name falling to pieces in the void. In a panic Yukiko yells the name again, grabbing letters from the air. She clutches it against her chest in a panic. She had a handful of letters and no idea what to do.

That day Yukiko learns tears also float upwards into the void. She cries deeply, feeling like she was losing more of herself with each tear. Fat heavy tear drops flying upwards away from her. The tears roll up past her, vanishing beyond her reach. She doesn't attempt to grab any, afraid she'd lose Chie's name.

She focuses and can’t really remember what her parents looked like. What day was it? What month? All she can do is cry, forcing herself to count to ten. She repeats the cycle hoping to find some calm.

The calm never comes, instead sharp brittled thoughts cut through her. Her friends would know what to do. They would have escaped, they wouldn't have walked into the fog. Yukiko clutches at herself, rocking back and forth as the thoughts roll over her. She can picture all the ways her friends could escape. Even without their personas, they could have broken past this.

 _If I was good enough, if I was strong enough... I, I could leave._ She went from one gilded cage to another. _Yukiko Amagi, spoiled brat and weakling._ Her grip on herself tightens, breath hitching and chest feeling tight.

The failure of her investigation and judgement weighs so heavily all she can do is stay where she is. It is safer to stay still and quiet.

\----

She isn't sure when she fell asleep, but it's long enough that the haggardness that came with crying has gone away completely. Yukiko squirms where she sits, pressing her hand against the wall for some semblance of balance. What chill used to be there is gone, she feels not much beyond the emptiness around her. Sometimes she's colder than she's ever been, other times she feelings nothing. After her last venture to investigate, she finds herself reluctant to swim back out again. 

She sings to herself, watching letters drift upwards and away, breaking into smaller chunks before vanishing. She persists, stubbornly trying to hear herself. 

By the end of the 'day' her throat is sore and it is the most awake she's felt. Yukiko struggles to stay awake and wants to push past this heavy cottony feeling clouding her mind. Some part of her wonders if this is okay. She finally isn't a burden to everyone. Maybe sleeping is what she needs. 

Eventually she can only give in, body going lax as sleep wrapped tightly around her. 

\----

Every time she woke up, Yukiko had one mission. Her mission being, stay awake as long as possible and make some change. Some part of her senses some time has went by, enough she feels her skin crawl and teeth ache. 

Yukiko sang, screamed, shouted names. Letters fell deftly from her lips into her lap. Cold shapes slapping against chilled skin. She arranges them into her friends names, into her parents names, into various words. She focuses on them, trying to bring images to the surface. Yukiko keeps slamming into some kind of mental wall. Every time she pushes too hard she finds herself starting to drift off. When she does, she wakes to find the letters gone, so the process repeats. Every sore throat, aching pain in her chest and headache is progress. 

She slowly starts to write out spells, mentally chanting them hoping to summon fire, heal- do anything. 

One day, the magic works. A spark of fire bursts to life in her palm. It flickered and went out just as quickly as it appeared. 

Yukiko shrieks in delight and in a way to make some change in the void around her. She wants noise, she wants heat. She keeps repeating the spell, over and over again.

When fire bursts forth again, Yukiko keeps it close as she can without burning herself.


	3. Awaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some debate, I decided to cut the void chapters down considerably to get Yukiko back into the real world a bit sooner.

The fire helps her remember, pieces come back in chunks. She relishes in discoveries she finds and re-remembers. That much keeps her awake for a long time. Far longer than she’s been awake for. Yukiko holds on desperately when she realizes as the fire flickers she starts to lose her own name. The fire sputters in her palms, slowly but surely crackling out of existence.

She focuses and can’t really remember what her parents looked like. Their names stick in her mind, but their faces are distant faded. Before long Chie’s face begins to fade from memory. Yukiko struggles to hold onto what color eyes Chie has for longer than she’d like to admit. The urge to simply sleep and forget is so strong. 

Only when she brings fire back to her hands, does she feel like she can hold on. Only then does she push away from the safety she’s found in her current resting spot.

The further she pushes, the more shadows she sees. Formless shadows without a host. It makes her want her persona so badly she screams Konohana-Sakuya’s name over and over again. If she can summon fire, she can find her Persona. All her screaming seems to do is bring shadows closer. She digs her nails into her arm. Blood dribbles down her arm staining her skin. 

Yukiko startles herself when her summon actually _works_. The pull of magic makes her feel steadier as shadows squirm away. The persona turns to face her, delicately stepping forward and embracing her. Yukiko holds onto her persona, comforted by the familiar face. The persona holds her close. Sakuya guides them upwards through the whiteness, holding onto Yukiko’s arm protectively. As they drift along Yukiko sees pieces of her clothing floating tattered and torn to shreds. It is as close to familiarity as she’ll get with this place. With her Persona she’s making some semblance of progress. She can almost feel the change around her, the heavy feeling lifting from her chest. She goes from falling to flying with her persona. She threads her fingers with Konohana-Sakuya’s own. 

Before long Yukiko realizes she doesn’t know where she begins and where Sakuya ends. The embrace turns into a merging of the pair. Armor sliding over Yukiko’s skin and power coursing through her. Her persona returns to her completely. 

Yukiko keeps flying upwards, at loss of what else to do. She can see the edge of blackness and she heads towards it. There isn’t much she can lose now. When she actually hits air again she crows victoriously. 

\--- 

Yukiko finds herself falling again. This time through the air, the cold air biting at the bare skin of her face as she falls from the sky. Stars twinkle overhead and she can taste the fog. She realizes her glasses are flying off overhead, just out of reach as she descends. 

There isn’t time to really think about all of that or much of anything. She hits the ground with a wet crack. 

\---

A murmur rippled through the crowd as a stretcher comes out of the ambulance. The police tape and officers blocking the view really keeps them from proper staring. An officer shoo’s several gawkers back trying to keep anyone from crossing the tape. The only civilian behind the line was a jogger who looked ill, rubbing his arms for warmth and comfort in equal measure. 

“Can you believe this would happen? In Inaba of all places?” 

“Nothing like this has happened for- years. I thought it had finished after those murders.” 

“It’s horrible, who could- attack a teenager like this?” 

One woman had to ask, a bit more loudly than intended. “Is she dead?” 

“Akiko- you can’t just ask that.” Her friend hissed back at her openly scandalized. “Have some tact will you!?” 

“Folks, folks-“ The senior officer stepped forward past the tape, managing to catch the onlookers attention. “We ask you step away from the scene and go about your business.” 

“But what happened?” That question was chorused by one or two Inaba residents present. 

“We’ll be investigating the issue fully, we just ask for your cooperation by stepping back and giving us space to continue the investigation without any interference.” He angled himself to try and give the victim some privacy as the emergency workers carried her into the ambulance. 

Some of the crowd protested whilst others decided to drift off into smaller groups talking amongst themselves. The senior officer managed to convince even the rowdiest of the crowd to disburse with promise of updates. Once the area was quiet he swore under his breath, turning to face the others on scene. “Of course this happens when Satonaka is off- someone get her into the station.” 

“I’ll have someone call her, but we have to look over the scene while its fresh.” Another officer answered whilst she pulled her cellphone from her pocket to text someone at the station. She glanced over at “Saito, let's get moving on taking pictures alright? We need to keep this by the books.” Another officer was quick to follow that order, starting to work on documenting the scene. 

“I know- this fog is going to contaminate things if we don’t move fast.” The senior officer stepped out of the way, sparing a glance back at the ambulance taking off. “Lets hope she survives this so we know what happened.”


End file.
